Mowing Lawns – the OCD Neighbor

On our block we have some OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) neighbors — two of them, who care more about their lawns than life itself. Not only do they pull out the mowers and mow when their lawn is only 2″ high it’s worse.

Most normal people will mow their lawn when it is a certain height. They take 30 to 40 minutes and put the mower away.

 

 

 

 

 

NOPE. Not these two neighbors, that is too simple.

My neighbors love it when the mower is out and they take extra special moments with it. One neighbor would mow his 2″ lawn (because you can’t have a single blade of grass higher than the rest) relentlessly.

He’d move his mower to the sidewalk, put it into neutral (still running) and take a cell phone call. He’d chat happily away for 10 or 15 minutes on the phone, while the mower sat infront of him idling away spewing tons of noise pollution.

He’d then put the phone away and start mowing. Three minutes later he’d stop the mower (stop moving not shut off) while it sat there running and pull the bag off the mower. He’d shake it briefly, there must be a full 2 oz of grass in there because the lawn didn’t need to be mowed to begin with, and walk around to the back of the house to empty it.

Meanwhile the mower, still buzzing sat in the front yard.

He then comes back, re-hooks the bag and the sun shines on his left ear. Yes, the neighbor is wearing ear buds, so the lawnmower noise isn’t bothering him whatsoever.

He mows another foot and sees a pebble. He stops the mower again, picks up the pebble and throws it near the house where he has some gravel. WAIT! The pebble didn’t land in the right place.

He walks away from the lawnmower (still buzzing) and finds the pebble he threw. He moves it 4″ over to an acceptable spot that makes him happy. Wait! He didn’t realize there were some weeds next to this big large rock he has in his garden bed, so he starts pulling those weeds.

 

Yes, the lawnmower is sitting there, still buzzing and idling away.

 

 

Wait, he found more weeds, picks those, and then finds more, picks more weeds. Can’t have that in his garden. He spends 3 or 7 minutes picking weeds out of the garden with his ear buds in his ears. He can’t hear the lawnmower, and neither should his neighbors.

After he’s done weeding his garden, he returns to the idling lawnmower. He continues mowing the lawn, going over the grass that is only 2″ high. His lawn is already so short you can’t tell the difference between where he’s mowed already, vs where he still needs to mow.

Finally he’s done. He stops the mower (an hour later after beginning for a 15 foot area) and puts it away.

Now he has about 25 grass clippings on the sidewalk. He brings out an electric leaf blower and starts blowing the sidewalk. This takes him about another 15 minutes, making sure he blows every grain of grass away.

Think he’s done? Not quite.

He puts the leaf blower away and brings out the garden hose. He saw some dust on the sidewalk. Can’t have that.. He starts using valuable municipal water to wash the sidewalk. Gets every grain of dust, and any grass to wash away. This takes him 30 minutes, with about 300 gallons of water.

Finally he goes inside. He feels that his nice cultured lawn will be loved by many.

After watching him noise pollute, waste electricity, water, and be totally annoying to the neighborhood for the last 3 hours, I am wondering why I don’t want to see him jailed or killed.

Your comments?

  • Leigh

    I have a neighbour who mows his lawn every few days … it’s maddening because I moved here for the peace and quiet and he was working then … he is now retired and obviously has no life. My alternative hypothesis is that this guy has spent a lifetime overestimating ‘his size’ and it now translates into thinking the grass is much longer than it actually is.

    • http://lifeisfunny.freethrills.com/ Jason

      Unfortunately it always starts with mowing the grass first. It slowly gets worse after that… leaf blowing, sidewalk sweeping, fertilizing, watering, the list is endless. These OCD neighbors just get progressively worse all the time. IT’S GRASS PEOPLE! Not a big deal!

  • Jillionare

    Yep, same with me – OCD neighbor. Nothing else to do in the whole wide world except spray chemicals and mow. So depressing to think this is what life amounts to for so many people.. Gooberdom.

    The weird pride that arises from such a manifestation of abnormality makes one ponder the realities of human nature.

    Oh, and because a few squirrels dig some thimble-sized holes, he traps them and kills them. Why not, right? I mean, no additional life should exist within his property lines except for the hyper-chemmed blades of grass and his drunk carcass.