This is a frequent phenomenon, and it is understandable. People get angry, they have animosity toward other people, and they do illogical things in the heat of the moment. “Hang up the phone, stop the conversation, get upset and walk out of the room”
This is counter productive to yourself, and the person you hold the animosity towards. When you are old enough to read, all of us should have been given an owners / operator manual on how to be human. That sounds too technical and stupid – the moment I wrote it, I realize that…
..but it doesn’t make it any less true. When we feel emotion, what seems most important to us at that moment? The way we feel. ..here is where things go wrong.
If you’re human, like me, you’re guilty of this too, all of us are..
When we feel anger & animosity, we feel it must be for a very good reason. We’re offended, upset. Someone has caused us to feel this way, and life was fine before that happened. Therefore, we must lay blame. We must hold someone accountable for stirring these emotions in us.
What if we’re not perfect though? Most people will say “I know I’m not perfect”.
So then.. when you are angry, and feel animosity towards someone.. just because it feels right to be upset. Does it truly mean you have the right to be upset? If there was a judge and jury of 12 people investigating the reason you were upset, would they agree with you?
This is beginning to sound like a riddle, so before it does, let me explain.
When we get upset and feel anger and animosity, more often than not, someone has said something that is outrageous, insulting, or plain stupid in our minds. “How could they say such a thing? After all I’ve done…” or we qualify it with things like “…if they are so stupid not to see or understand..”
For a moment, step outside of your mind and your body and realize the problem. To do that, will require you entertain some what IF’s (and no one likes to entertain what “if’s” but for the sake of understanding this, take the time to try this out)..
1. What IF the person simply failed to communicate what it is they were trying to say, and did it poorly. While their honest intentions were true, and they really didn’t mean harm. It simply came out the wrong way? After all, the person that caused you to feel this way is also human, and prone to making mistakes of their own. We all make mistakes, whether it be intentional or unintentional. BE READY TO GIVE A PERSON A BREAK. (That includes whether or not you feel they deserve it at the moment)
2. What IF they are actually right? Just because you don’t initially believe they are right as a first instinct, doesn’t make you right. Your emotions, your anger, your animosity are triggered. You know how you feel. Surely you feel this way for a reason. But what if THEY ARE RIGHT, AND YOU ARE WRONG?
3. What if their life situation (health, finances, etc) has cornered them, and made them act out this way, and there is a bigger issue they aren’t telling you?
4. You have a brain, and a physical body. When you feel emotion, can you name 13 different chemicals in your brain that are released and flowing within your cerebral cortex? Probably not, even I can’t. But we feel it.
By now, you’re probably annoyed and irritated and wondering “what is the point here?”
Here it is…
When you’re feeling emotional, there is a 99% chance you’re acting illogical. This isn’t saying you’re wrong, or the other person is wrong. It simply means, while your brain is being overrun with chemical reactions due to severe stress, you are not thinking logically.
What is the solution?
Stop thinking! It’s that simple. Stop reacting! It is that simple.
Leave the situation, go calm down, and come back to it when you are thinking clearly again.
You are your own worst enemy when you’re heart is beating faster and you’re full of emotion, ideas and thoughts are running through your mind, while you’re trying to deal with a difficult situation that is upsetting you.
If you come back, “tomorrow”, and the situation is equally difficult, then perhaps you were the person that was fully right before this happened. But while you are in the heat of the moment, you don’t get to have the opportunity of being right under any circumstance.
So with all of the forgoing being said..
Anger & Animosity are Chemical Reactions You don’t Need